


Don't Be Afraid

by iLibra



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: And a lot of tears, Angst, Did I mentiom Fluff and Angst?, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses and Cuddles, Like seriously so much Fluff!, M/M, Night Terrors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 13:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5419076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iLibra/pseuds/iLibra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Venom isn't strong. He never was, but he has to be now in order to fulfill his role as Big Boss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Be Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little headcanon I had regarding Venom!

He wasn't strong and he knew it. Venom, forced into the role of the great soldier Big Boss, which he gladly took upon himself, because of his admiration and deep respect for him, wasn't strong. He was scared shitless when he had to make his long way out of the hospital and would probably have had a mental breakdown if Ishmael hadn't been there to guide him.

He tries to shut down his mind as much as possible during missions. He tries not to think of the threat and the possibility that he could be killed at any moment. He tries to just work during missions, to just kill. And that works, sometimes.

Venom hates night missions. He can't stop seeing shadow figures in the darkness, his mind playing tricks on him. The music on his iDroid helps to calm him down sometimes, although he has to be very careful with his surroundings when he listens to music. He's always afraid that he won't be able to hear an approaching enemy while he's wrapped up in a song.

This has happened once and he was only able to take the enemy down because he saw him from the corner of his eye. Had the enemy decided to sneak up on his right side instead, Venom would have been done for. His heart just wouldn't stop pounding after that and he didn't dare to listen to music again after this.

He had called Ocelot after this to give him some random intel on some plants and animals just so he had someone to listen to. When Ocelot asked him if something was wrong, he just shrugged it of, telling him he was just tired.

Nobody noticed Venom's fear yet, because if he was afraid he just went dead silent. Ocelot must have heard his ragged breathing through the intercom. Venom never mentioned it to him again, because he didn't want to seem weak in front of him. Or rather he didn't want Big Boss to seem weak.

They all knew about the arrangement at this point. They all knew he wasn't the "real" Big Boss, but his phantom. But that didn't matter, because for the rest of the world he was the real Big Boss, so he had to behave like him. He just couldn't make Big Boss seem weak in front of the Diamond Dogs.

So even though Ocelot knows, Venom still doesn't want him to think he's pathetic. Venom knows that Ocelot has a deep admiration for Big Boss, so maybe he also has some respect for Venom, and he didn't want to destroy that. So they just don't talk about it.

But it was different with Kaz. One night after a particularly rough mission, Venom was curled up in his room, like always. When he heard the sound of the door being opened, he remembered that he forgot to lock it.

"Boss, I need-" Kaz began, but stopped when he saw Venom wrapped in a blanket, deep circles under his eye and on the verge of tears. Venom immediately rubbed the back of his hand over his eye, throwing the blanket away, in an embarrassing attempt not to seem like a shivering mess. He wanted to say something, ask what Kaz needed, but he couldn't speak over the lump in his throat. There were a few moments of awkward silence until Kaz spoke up again.

"Do you want to be alone or...?" he drifted off, assuming that Venom would get what he meant. Venom thought about it for a few seconds, swallowing a few times, so he would be able to speak.

"No..." he said eventually. Kaz let his gaze wander over him, not in disgust or anything, but in honest concern.

"No, you don't wanna be alone?" he asked for a clarification and Venom just nodded his head.

Kaz quickly shut the door, hand still on his crutch, and walked over to the bed where Venom was sitting and settled down next to him. A few seconds of silence followed again.

"You wanna talk about it?" Kaz asked him and Venom's heart dropped to the bottom of his chest. He really wasn't ready to open up to anyone at the moment.

"No... not yet, at least." he said, staring at the floor, not being able to meet Kaz' gaze. Venom could feel Kaz' hand on his back, rubbing small circles. It wasn't a gesture out of pity, but honest caring for him and he could feel it. They just sat there for a while until Venom spoke up again.

"Could you..." he started but then drifted of again, chewing on his bottom lip.

"What is it?" Kaz asked, pressing his hand a bit harder on Venom's back, the warmth of him spreading through his shoulders. Venom took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

"Could you... sleep here tonight, maybe?" he said eventually, still not being able to meet Kaz' gaze, his face tinted in a slight red.

"Yeah, no problem." Kaz answered without hesitation, a warm smile on his face.

They both quickly prepared for bed, Kaz removing his beret, aviators and jacket and then carefully removing his prosthetic leg. He stripped the rest of his clothes and Venom went to his drawer, throwing an old t-shirt in Kaz' direction, who had stripped everything but his underwear. He put on the shirt while Venom went to get ready himself, stripping everything but his boxers and t-shirt as well.

Venom slipped into the bedsheets first, taking the place in the back, facing the wall. He could hear the bedsheets move and feel the bed move when Kaz lay down next to him, their backs pressed together. It didn't take long until Venom drifted off in a finally dreamless sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, he was pressed against his blond second in command, Venom's arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Venom was breathing into the back of his neck, sighing slightly because he hadn't slept this well in what felt like ages, not counting how he wake up from his coma, cause that definitely was anything but pleasant.

He could feel Kaz' deep breathing through his chest and could tell that he was still fast asleep. Venom was actually planning to get up, but couldn't get his legs to move. And so, not caring that he dragged Kaz a bit closer to him, tightening his grip around his chest, he fell asleep again.

When he woke up a few hours later, Kaz was gone, his warmth still lingering on the sheets and the lend t-shirt he wore lay neatly folded on his desk. They both didn't mention any of this again, because they didn't feel the need to do so. But when Venom called Kaz on the intercom late at night, the blond knew what he had to do. And they both slept together in complete silence.

 

And then came that one night.

The mission really went downhill this time. It was a night mission, the ones Venom hated most. He was just supposed to sneak in and get some important data. He knew he should have thought, that one more guard had to be in the room, but he didn't. He went in, not being careful about his surroundings. He managed to overpower the intruder, but the shock that he got when someone leaped at him out of nowhere sat deep in his bones. Everything happened really fast after that. The guards noticed his presence and alarmed the whole base.

Venom was cursing under his breath, his heart almost leaping out of his chest. He decided it was too dangerous to try and take down all the enemies, so he had to run fast. He actually managed to get out of the enemy base without much complications, but as he was on his way to the LZ, he heard some movement next to him. He immediately shifted to his right, but it was already too late. The enemy threw himself onto Venom, sitting above him and holding him down. He moved his hands to his neck and tried to prevent the air from getting into his lungs.

Venom couldn't react for a few moments, his breath being taken away not only from the hands on his throat, but from the fear in his chest. Tears were starting to build up in his eyes, but he tried to clench his teeth and threw the enemy off of him, quickly drawing his weapon and taking him down.

Still breathing heavily he ran to the LZ, not caring about his burning throat and chest, too worried that he wouldn't make it. Thankfully Pequod didn't ask any questions when he jumped on the helicopter, probably noticing his shocked expression though.

He didn't speak to anyone when he arrived at mother base, quickly walking to his room without an eye for anything else. He knew Kaz or Ocelot would probably have to speak about some intel to him, but he just couldn't deal with that at the moment.

He shut the door, not noticing that he forgot to lock it again and quickly grabbed his blanket to wrap it around his shoulders. He was biting his lip, tears starting to build in his eyes. He couldn't believe how pathetic he was, but he was just so damn scared, those enemies coming out of nowhere still hovering in his mind. He tried to get his breathing back to normal, avoiding a panic attack and was swallowing hard, the tears starting to roll down on his face.

He really didn't feel worthy to act as Big Boss, the fearless hero everyone admired. His efforts to get his heartbeat back to normal were fruitless. He was still so scared, even though he knew he was back and save on motherbase.

When someone quietly knocked on the door, like he always did at this time of the night after a mission, Venom couldn't help himself and jumped off of the bed, his blanket still draped around his shoulders. He threw himself at his blond second in command, almost pushing him back against the door behind him. Venom wrapped his arms around his chest, not really caring how ridiculous he looked at the moment, the blanket falling to the ground behind him.

Kaz made a surprised sound when Venom pushed him against the door, looking down at him with both curiosity and concern. He almost lost his balance because of Venom's sudden attack, but could save himself with leaning against the door behind him. And then came the tears Venom always tried to hold back. He started sobbing against Kaz' chest, curling his hands around the fabric of the others jacket. Kaz didn't really know what to do at first, but then put a hand on Venom's shoulder, his crutch still in his hand, because it would be a real pain in the ass picking it up again.

"Venom... could we move to the bed and sit down?" Kaz said in a warm, soothing voice and Venom bit his lip, tears still bubbling out of his eyes, and then nodded very slowly. When they both moved to the bed and sat down Venom immediately wrapped his arms around Kaz again, his weeping continuing. The blond put his hand on his shoulder again, no crutch hindering his touch this time. Venom was clenching his teeth, his shoulders shaking because of his sobs.

"I'm... I'm sorry." he said through his tears, his voice shaking. Kaz pulled him closer to his chest, wrapping his arm around Venom's neck, not caring about the tear stains on his jacket.

"Ssssh, it's okay." he tried to calm him down, resting his cheek on the top of Venom's hair. Venom just kept on letting his tears fall, trying to find the air to speak again.

"I... I was... so scared, Kaz. I'm... I'm sorry." he said between his sobs, trying to swallow the lump in his throat away.

"It's okay, Venom. You don't have to act tough in front of me." Kaz whispered, stroking his hand through Venom's black hair, gently pulling his hair tie of. His sobs were starting to die down, but they still didn't stop completely.

“I'm sorry.” he said again, drawing back from Kaz a bit to wipe his eye with the back of his real hand. Kaz looked at him with a gentle expression, cupping Venom's cheek with his left hand. Venom's shoulders were still shaking and he didn't dare to look Kaz in the eyes. But he couldn't avoid his gaze anymore, when Kaz gently pulled his face up and leaned in closer. Venom's breath got quiet, but his heartbeat grew louder when the other man kissed the tears on his cheeks away and then let their lips brush together slightly, testing if they were both okay with this.

Venom whimpered a few last times and then pressed his lips against Kaz', letting his eyes fall shut. Kaz let his hand rest on the back of Venom's neck slowly stroking his hair, drawing little circles in an attempt to calm him down. Their kiss was gentle and caring, none of them being in a hurry. They just brushed their lips together, quietly sighing in each others mouths. Kaz was slowly pressing Venom against the bedsheets, sitting on top of him, but not letting their lips disconnect. They both just lay there for a couple of minutes, Venom's tears dying down, as they continued breathing into each others mouths.

Kaz slowly moved his mouth to Venom's neck, covering it in gentle kisses. He drew back when he noticed that Venom wasn't moving anymore, the heaving of his chest getting slower. The blond pushed himself up with one hand and looked at his face, a warm smile spreading across his face. His boss must have fallen asleep from all the commotion, an exhausted but peaceful expression on his face.

Kaz bowed down, placing a gentle kiss on Venom's forehead, careful as to not wake him up. He picked up his crutch again and walked to the wardrobe, borrowing a t-shirt like he always did and quickly got ready to go to bed. He pulled the blanket up over the two of them and curled up against Venom's chest. When Venom rolled over to hug Kaz tightly like he always did in his sleep, except from rolling away, Kaz rolled over so they were face to face, returning the embrace and drifting off to sleep.

 

The night terrors Venom tended to have, have gotten fewer and fewer, but when he ended up having one again, Kaz was there to help him. When Venom shot up in his bed, drenched in sweat and tears rolling down his eyes, Kaz was there. He always spoke to him in a calm voice, hugging him tightly and kissing the tears away until none were left, then moving to his mouth, telling him everything is alright between their kisses. After that they always curled up against each other until they both fell asleep.

“Thanks, Kaz...” Venom mumbled with half lidded eyes, almost drifting off to sleep again. Kaz just gave him one of these warm smiles that were strictly reserved for Venom and kissed him again until exhaustion took over both of them and Kaz fell asleep lying on top of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I actually got the idea to write this from [this drawing](http://41.media.tumblr.com/f3022ad3c7149b44ce5b0601008a0a93/tumblr_nz0eo8Z2D11rvdeiqo1_1280.png) from [this post](http://coefore.tumblr.com/post/134750683316)
> 
> Feel free to tell me what you think in the comments or annoy me on tumblr :) ( [ilibra.tumblr.com](http://ilibra.tumblr.com) )


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